He asked..

As i lay myself down in bed refusing to fall asleep, a mixture of emotions filed my heart. Well..my head, mostly.

Today marked the beginning of my next chapter in life.. if u ask me 10 yrs ago,id see today as one big happy occassion, no questions asked. Yet here i am, struggling with thoughts of happiness, gratefulness yet full of uncertanties and feeling unfinished?

I said yes to mr bear on nopparat beach, not completely unexpected wtf. It was simple, beautiful and very subtle :)

And just like tht, i promise to marry this man.

Nostalgic

My love life has not been exactly perfect.
But its certainly one of the most interesting thing that change how i look at the world, at life and maybe, love, on a high dosage

As much as I tried to hide this always, I hate admitting that I was a hopeless romantic, still is and probably will never change

Hate this raw open wound somewhere in the heart
Why am i feeling so lonely and exposed whenever the topic of love is brought to surface
I hate feeling and being vulnerable. Will I ever open up myself again. I love my bear, but id never love a person as much as Ive loved you ever. God knows what youve done to my heart. You never really gave it back

I hate being emo
I hate having to compare anyone to what I felt for you
and I hate admitting I missed you a lot
I wished I could go back in time to feel your presence once more in my life
That would complete my being
I just wished the you I used to love is still here in the world somewhere sometimes
7 years? Was it that long ago?

The old you is gone.
Is the reason why I missed you so much is my own youth?
or the purity of an innocent heart that has never been broken
Loving something with no fear of getting hurt
Letting your heart go and just loving another being so freely

Why do i missed you the way i do
I hate myself

To the unicorn

So there was this strong unicorn, always beautiful, a real crowd pleaser, whatever it does, always putting people before itself. Always there for others, always gentle, funny, charismatic. It has a heart of gold. Cheerful, welcoming and always make others feel comfortable around it

I fell for you unicorn. I fell for your charisma and the beautiful soul
I look up to you unicorn. Every little thing you do, that extra mile you travelled, the light in your deep set eyes. And most of all, your delicate attempt at pretending to be the invincible alpha male. You never fail to make me laugh.

I walked my path over the summer days with  you unicorn.
Breathe in your beauty and bathe in your warmth
We walked and laughed and loved and I arrived here.

At the door, there was this very same unicorn.

Except it was fragile, beautiful but wounded to the point of no return.

Its heart was broken and mended a million times that it was not the same unicorn each time it broke
This unicorn was abused, wrongly accused, afraid, lonely, misunderstood and left alone.
Yet its heart of gold still shine through and it carried on like a loyal servant.
It carries with it the gift of hope and faith and I saw abundant of love and stories in its eyes

I fell harder for you unicorn. Your bitterness, your anger and each of your plead to God
It is so afraid of letting someone in because it is not sure they will like what they find
It is always begging for heaven to open up the door so it could go back to where it belongs
Well, Unicorn. You belong here. You are not going anywhere.

Hold my hands
Come back to the summer days and share your magical being with me once again
I am no fairy godmother. I don't grant wishes but I promise to love you unconditionally for who you are

It is not an ideal world. We are not one and we may not ever be.
But I will protect my unicorn from harm and see the beauty in you unicorn.
For as long as i live

Truly,
Your admirer

Have i told you lately

So...
A few things have been happening since my last entry - a bit more than 2 years ago *fail much*
.
.
.
.
.
some good,
some not so,
some to be remembered,
some to be left behind

Thank you 2012, uve been great.
Guess this is by far the best year in my life ever since i left home
10 was a battle and another year of ruins. 11 was the year of pick up, dust off and try again
12 is when i find myself again and ive never been happier :)

Memorable stuff from 2011:
1. Bought my first property
2. Got myself a bear
3. Met some really awesome friends for life at work
4. Got myself my DLSR (no wait, i think that was in June 2010 i think. meh, just for the heck of it)

3 most memorable stuff i did in 2012:
1. Milestone year - Im turning 30!!!
2. My property settled on 1st day of Chinese new year
3. Moving in with mr bear
4. Bali holiday with mr bear
5. Make it happen
6. Paying off ATO debt

(Yes, i know i said 3 but i dont care and still counting.. and btw, surviving end of the world 21/12/2012 should technically count as another achievement lol. Oh, and me and lou broke up - more on that later , or maybe never haha)

but above all, i can finally see some lights at the end of this tunnel of my twenties and guess what, i cant be happier.
I found my old self back again, I started rebuilding my life for the better, closed the door behind me and move on, became my own best friend, and love myself a little bit more each day.

So today, on this very day of new year's eve, i want to say 2012 - thank you, im deeply humbled by what you gave me and 2013 - CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!

Hard-earned Money

WARNING: BORING POST AHEAD
Read at own risk

Yay for the long weekend!

Even tho technically i've only got 1 day off for a 4 day weekend, i'm feeling very excited! Haven't had any day off for years.. ^_* been working my ass off 7 days a week. So, YAY again for long weekend~~~

Its April! APRIL??!! Damn, i havent even list down my new year's resolution for 2010 and its already. In fact, i should really be listing this down. Right Now. Better late than never?
- Spend more quality time with LL
- Invest more on stuff that matters
- which mean Cutting Spending on cheapy stuffs like cheap seasonal SUPRE stuff
- Setting up budget for food
- Less KFC and Hungry Jack's --> this is a bit of a challenge, unfortunately
- WTF!!!! this resolution thing is SHIT BORING.

Whatever.
Why do I even need resolution when all i want is to save more so i can afford a new SLR camera, a new house and a lawyer for our case

Paul is a big cunt

Feeling very emo at work today
Not even sure whether I should felt betrayed, fooled, angry, dissapointed or sad anymore
Guess its an uneven mix of all negative feeling..

I'm in a very negative state of mind
right then and even right now, i guess

My boss is a big fat fuckin' liar, cunt, sly, untrusworthy, retarded politician ever.
I felt like a small unworthy-of-life pawn in a big field of chess. My mind keep asking "how could he.." Why promise me something that I want if you are just buying my time? Why? Why? Why?
Why make use of me for your own battle and shrug me off after? What bad thing have I ever done to you. Paul, u're a cunt!!!!!

Meet my boss - Paul "Dickhead" Cunt

All I did was do my job, and take even more responsibility than what I got paid for. Why should I take care of everything for you if you can't even take care of me? Thats so bloody irresponsible.
I dont think you have my best interest at heart. If you want me to go, fire me. Do something to get rid of me. Why promise me something simple that you can't even fulfil? Why not own up your bloody mistake? Why can't you just face your bloody irresponsible self ? Why make so many twist to your story when you know that I can easily find out the truth.. why make up shit that even a 3 year old would not believe? Why are you being a lame cunt? Why are you messing with my trust?

Why make me lose the last remaining little bit of respect I have for you?

And what makes me really sad is that there is nothing I can do about when it happened. Not today, anyway. I didnt see it coming. I can't go up to his face and slap him. I felt like quitting, but I shouldn't.. should I? What I should do is to use everything in my power to take him down

but HOW?? talk is shit easy.
I'm in still in the state of shock I can't even plot a revenge because my mind just went blank whole day. I can feel the fire burning on my chest. I need a revenge. Bloody have to think of something to take him down. SUGGESTIONNNNNSSS???!!!!!

Fucking PAUL is a big cunt!!!!!!!!!!!

Woo Hoo... FATT at last!!

Nice surprise!

Totally unplanned.

Random checking on my bank account tonight and see this:

$1,888 ---> see my triple 8s?


TOTALLY HAD TO BE PRINT SCREEN!!!
looks crappy, shit i dont know how to fix this, double click if you dont believe me.
(instruction: HEY!! DOUBLE CLICK ON THE ABOVE. see for yourself)
heee heee heee.. woo-hoo madness!! madness!!!




im going mad....

ok, distraction required.




my future partner doing mankind a favour. LOVE YOU!!!
love~ love~ love~