Thursday, July 9, 2009

on being Asian

As racist as it may sounds, being a real Asian trying to earn a living in Australia, I have developed some kind of love - hate relationship with my own race T__T


Not being racist to anyone here. but here are my lists of things I hate and love most about being an Asian.


Hate list:
1. Cutting in line
Needless to say, all time things that we do which I hate most, we are such an "impatient" race that we do not tolerate any kind of wait, AT ALL. You'll be assured to get shoved in when queuing for food, elevators, parking lots!, buses, anywhere.

2. Staring
Seriously, what is wrong with my face? or my leg? or whatever it is? Why the hell do we Asian like to stare at other people like there's no tomorrow? People staaaaring at you.. like you have breasts growing out of your nostrils. *sigh*. And it is NOT a friendly or admiring stare, it is more like a deadly stare, can be classified into two classes:

(i). Complete scan
Essential ingredient includes scanning you from head to toe, and back to toe to approximately breast-length. Usually avoid any form of eye contact with the victim, and especially happens when you walked past women and aunties. Occasionally, you get this kind of stare from teenager as well. WTF!

(ii). Leering
According to the dictionary, this means " to cast a sidelong glance" which is just exactly how this action is performed. Require no further explanation.


3. Groceries bag fascination
We tend to grab as many "free" bags as possible eventhough we're only buying 2 lemons.

4. OpaaaaaaaaH and acting cute
"Opaaaa-aaaah" (pronounced: Or- pa: with a prolong aaaaaarrr in the most annoying tone). One of the reason why I resented watching Korean movies. Enough with it already, opaaaaahhh. Since when did those Korean sappy dramas start taking over the rest of our other Asian race that we feel the necessity to address yr bf Opaaah.

And what makes Asian girls think that acting cute actually equals cute? OK, acting cute to a certain extent, is acceptable. But not when your voice tone suddenly get an extreme makeover when you are around Opaaah-able guys. And then you start the conversation with such unnatural cute-sy voice. Makes me sick. Examples, twenty somethings women giggling when you ask for money over the groceries counters, pouting lips when their credit cards did not get through (duh!!!), non-stop fake hitting the boyfriend when giggling, making crying gesture with hands, trying to say "thank you" in the cutest way she thinks possible, NOT CUTE. Enough said

5. Branded Stuff
- related to no. 6 (see below)

6. Rich Husbands/ Boyfriends (Tai-Tais)
Asian girls, in my opinion, more than any others, is known for making a lot of investments. In branded stuff, that is. Lots of people tell me that you need to look glam and expensive so that you can approach the right mix. WTF is the right mix? You see, I doubt this applies to the entire population, but mostly, mind you, aspires to become The Rich Tai-Tais who lunches in style. Hence, the investment to meet the right prospective husbands. Men equals financial plan. I wonder... few decades after the revolution, does this theory still applies? Apparently, it still does.

7. Studying Overseas
Studying overseas is like a trend, which I think is really stupid. There's a common misconception that an overseas graduates are guaranteed big money. I think it is so over-rated. Seriously, local graduates could also get good jobs with great pay. I can easily point out overseas graduates who couldn't even speak proper English..not to mention the "actual" knowledge they gain in subjects taught in foreign language. so what's the big deal with it?

Stuff I love being Asian:
1. Instant Noodles
You know you are Asian when you see instant noodles in your kitchen shelf. I love any brand of instant noodles, and I mean ANY. Thai, Indo, Chinese, Malay, Japanese, Koreans, everything! Don't you?

Added: OMG!! Just found out that there is such thing called World Instant Noodles Association (WINA) . LOL!! Instant noodles ROCKS!!

2. Fountain of youth
We Asians, always somehow look at least 5 years younger than our age (and act 10 years younger too sometimes, lol). Once an Ang-moh came to me and say he's gonna marry an Asian chick just because she'll look like 40 by the time she's 60... WTF?

3. Aiya!
My favourite expression!! Aiya! - when I'm upset, Aiya! - when I'm excited, Aiya! - when I'm surprised. Aiya! - when I'm about to nag. If only the whole world embraces Aiya! then we won't have too much vocabulary to learn when studying new languages, how effective!

4. No shoes inside the house please
Absolutely my favourite things to love being a pure Asian. In fact, rule no.1 if I had an Ang-moh boyfriend, you MUST take off your shoes when you enter my house, or, we're through (as if)

5. Clothes line
Only Asians know how to maximise the use of clothes line. We don't need you, dryer. All we need is a string and a bit of sunshine :)

6. Dishwasher = dishrack
When I first came to Australia, I have never even seen this thing, really. And I'm still using it as a dishrack, nowadays. I guess it's just in the blood.

7. "Don't waste" syndrome
"Don't overeat". Chop my head off if you heard this word coming out from any Asian parents. In fact, if you google "Asian parenting" you'll find more interesting unpopular stuffs about well, how Asian raise their kids. But I particularly love this one. When I became a mum one day, I too, will not let my kids waste a single piece of carrot nor shallot on their late before they leave the dining table.

8. Fried rice, Spring rolls, San Choy Bow
This one is a practical joke. When you see an average Aussie walks into a Chinese restaurant, you can expect them to order one of the above or all the above. Asians, particularly Chinese, NEVER order fried rice in the restaurant. Never. That includes me. Why? Because we order based on the value of the food, NOT the price, NOT the quantity.. which is why we're a bunch of smartasses and really hard to do business with.

9. Cute Stuffs
We Asians have somehow develop a deep attraction (fetish?) to cute stuff, and we really can't get enough of them. More Kawaii stuff, pleeeease *nyan nyan pose*

10. Asian Pose
I'm not too sure if I like or dislike this......

2 comments:

DarkCocoa said...

Hahahahaha...
Gila lu.. kepikiran aja.
But think about it... it's god damn true hahhahaha....

BigSister said...

because it annoys the hell out of me!! aiya.. bue tahan kadang2